1. “Straight Acting”
This is the granddaddy of questionable statements in gay profiles but has become so routinely mocked that these days it’s typically expressed in a different form – “not stereotypically gay” or “real man here”. The user bases this on the fact that they are “butch” or like sports, cars, fishing or hunting. Anyone defining themselves like this needs to realise that no matter how much of a “real man” you think you are, heterosexual men don’t consider your butt fucking another man to be “straight acting” in any way.
2. “Not Into The Gay Scene”
This is another piece of shorthand that has arisen to replace “straight acting”, but it’s just as nonsensical. First, “scene”? What is this, a 1960s beach party movie?
Second, what you’re referring to as the “gay scene” doesn’t exist anymore. Gay bars are all full of drunk straight women and every second pride event is getting shut down because protestors think drag queens are transphobic. These days gay men just sit at home watching Netflix and scrolling through hook up apps. In fact, you could argue hook up apps are the new “gay scene” so the very fact you’re on one of them means you are into it.
3. “No Femmes, No Fatties, No (Ethnic Group)”
You know who says this type of thing? Awful people, that’s who. Don’t be awful.
4. “Just Looking For Friends” (Accompanied With a Shirtless Picture)
Dating apps can be a great place to build friendships with other gay men. But when you combine a “just looking for pals” request with a “let’s fuck” picture you are sending the world a very mixed signal. Except if you choose friends based on how they look naked – which must make most general socializing very awkward.
5. “If You Have a Partner Why Are You On Here?”
Saying you won’t sleep with partnered men is one thing, but judgmental statements about someone else’s choices makes you look insecure. And nobody wants to date insecure.
6. “Please Be Clean”
Please be telling us you mean “freshly showered”. Actually, we all know you really mean “please be HIV-“. If don’t want to have sex with HIV+ men then say that. We’ll even write you a sample sentence: “I prefer men who are HIV-“. But don’t imply that poz guys are “dirty” because when you use “clean” that’s exactly what they’re doing. In your dark little heart you might actually believe they’re dirty but at least have the courtesy to hide your prejudice. “Please be D&D free” is equally questionable – mainly because that second D is just a sneaky way of saying “clean”. It could also be misinterpreted as “Please be Dungeons and Dragons free” and we’d hate to think you were accidentally offending the nerd community.