7 Awful Men I’d Totally Bone

To me, sex is just sex. I don’t need to admire the man. I’ve slept with guys I hate. But if I think he’s hot, then it’s on. Here are 7 very unlikeable men that I’d still completely fuck.

1. Eric Bolling
Eric Bolling was once famous for being a racist Fox News host. Now he is famous for being a racist Fox New host who allegedly sent images of his penis and lewd message to other racist Fox News employees. Okay, I’m not positive those employees were racist but they work for Fox so there’s a 99.9% chance I’m correct.

If it’s that big I hope he shot it in panorama…

Personally, I’m a supporter of dick pics and dirty talk. Even of the unsolicited kind. If a guy is determined to show me his junk and tell me where he wants to put it then have at it. Doing that and not following through, that’s where I begin to have a problem.

2. Sebastian Gorka
Oh, you don’t know who this is? Oh yes, you do. It’s that guy who advised Donald Trump on how to be more racist.

Apparently that was possible.

His name makes him sound like a 1970s Bond villain. And he looks a lot like an actual 1970s Bond villain.

Could be Gorka, could be Hugo Drax from Moonraker.

Gorka even sounds like Drax. No word on whether Gorka has a plan to breed a master race in an orbiting space station but hey, Trump became President so anything’s possible.

3. Nate Parker
Parker is an actor-writer-director-producer-accused-rapist-accused-indecent-exposer” who has said he wouldn’t play a gay character because he wants to “preserve the black man”. I’m not sure what “preserving men” means but it sounds like Mr Parker is either (a) a cannibal or (b) someone who likes to eat people.

I’d eat this person. Well, eat out…

4. Ralph Shortey
Ex-Senator Shortey was elected as representative of Oklahoma’s 44th district in 2010, running on a “family values” platform. Apparently in Oklahoma “family values” consist of doing drugs with teenage male prostitutes in motels. That’s not what I consider “values” let alone ones I’d want my family engaging in but hey, it takes all types.

We call this type a “bear”.

Apparently, Shortey texted the 17-year-old, calling him “baby boy” and offering cash for “sexual stuff”. Funnily enough, “sexual stuff” is exactly what I’d like to do with Mr Shortey. I’ll even do it for free.

5. Ramzan Kadyrov
Yes, I would fuck the Head of the Chechen Republic. a man responsible for sending gay men to death camps. But in my defence…okay, there’s no defending this one. I am terrible.

If it’s any consolation I’d selfishly use him for my own sexual gratification, leave before he wakes up, and never phone him.

6. Random Nazi Militia Bear
You know that thing when you see a news report about Nazis parading around Charlottesville and you see this guy and you go “woooooof”, and you’re thinking “he’s dressed in military gear so maybe he’s some type of law enforcement officer”, and then you notice he’s shielding one of the Nazis but you think “no, even Nazis deserve police protection”, but then you realise he actually is one of the Nazis and you go “ew”, but then you see how big his arms are and you go “woooooof”? Yeah, that.

Yeah, this.

7. Ahmad Alshugairi
Saudi Arabia is a nation that routinely imprisons, whips and executes men for being gay. Ahmad was the host of a popular Saudi Arabian show called Khawatir, and in a 2014 episode he filmed himself wandering around San Francisco, belittling gay couples and calling it the “capital of faggots”. Now a piece of modern homophobic propaganda probably doesn’t seem that shocking compared to modern day Nazis, but hate is hate. Still, he has beautiful eyes.

Not sure about the Gingham do-rag though…

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