Himsical is proud to announce the release of an additional 7 gay dating apps. Yes, our previous group of specialist apps were such a success that we sold them off to Chinese investors and decided to invent a whole new bunch!
Do you need a pretend girlfriend to fool your family into thinking you’re straight? Or an understanding lady you can fake-marry to inherit money from a homophobic uncle? Beardr’s got your back, bro. Our database contains 1,000s of women who will happily pose as your sweetheart, fiancée or even you wife. And don’t worry, you don’t need to pay them or do any sex stuff with them because while they’re all acting as your beard, you’re doing the bearding for them! Yup, all our women are as lesbian as Ellen herself and looking to fool their respective families! Beardr: It’s a win-win. Except for, you know, the psychological toll of remaining in the closet.
Bisexuals endlessly complain that the gays and lesbians get all the parades and press and that nobody believes they really exist. Where is an app just for them? Well, here it is. So go at it, bisexuals. Now will you stop your damn whining?
Hook up apps are a boon for men who need to stay on the “down low” but some guys are so far down they won’t even share a face pic online. On an ordinary dating app remaining anonymous will scare off many potential partners – but on DL it’s par for the course. DL’s software automatically blocks any photo that includes someone’s face. No more pesky guys demanding a face pic then using it to blackmail you for a billion dollars. Because that’s what will happen if you send a face pic, right down low guys? Yeah, the rest of us think you’re being precious but hey, if we can make some cash off your paranoia then more power to us.
Dating apps are a nightmare for men who value the proper use of words. On Grammr you won’t any “how ru?” or “when cn we meat?” and especially no “your a gdlooking guy”. The powerful software that runs this app will not send a message unless it contains the correct spelling, grammar and punctuation! Never again will you be turned off because a hot guy was apparently unaware that sentences start with a capital letter or didn’t correctly employ the Oxford comma. Oh yeah, word-queens, we know how you think!
Do you despair you’ll never find another man who loves science fiction as much as you? One who can name every actor to play Dr Who, explain the difference between “dystopian” and “post-apocalyptic”, and is also fluent in Klingon? It’s okay scifi fans – we’ve created a universe just for you. On GuyFy you won’t get losers asking why you have “that strange vase thing” as your profile picture – our members recognize the Alliance Starbird when they see it! On this app we encourage you to let your geek flag fly – including posting pictures of you in cosplay. You spent three weeks making that Tron Legacy costume that lights up in the dark so be proud of it! GuyFy: where no one needs to describe himself as a “geek” because “geek” isn’t a tribe, it’s a way of life. Ha’ nga’chuq!
Marvel’s Gay Dating App
Marvel Entertainment is one of those companies that is obsessed with putting its name in front of everything. Marvel’s The Avengers. Marvel’s Daredevil. Marvel’s One Million Dollar Donation to Donald Trump. So it should come as no surprise we’ve teamed with them to create Marvel’s Gay Dating App. In actual fact this app is just Grindr with some different branding but some people will watch anything if it has their beloved “Marvel’s” in front of it so why not milk them for cash. Oh yeah, did we mention it costs $50 to join and you can’t get your money back when you realise how awful this app is – just like a certain Marvel film. Yes, Thor: The Dark World, we mean you.
The conservatives said that gay marriage would lead to polygamy and look, it has! Every second profile on gay apps is a guy who’s in a triad – in fact there were so many we realised we could profit off it! Coupledom is so last year – the power of three is where it’s at! Thrupl3 consists exclusively of couples looking to expand their partnership or single guys keen to be one-third of a love triangle. There’s also an ‘ask a thruple’ feature where curious men can learn all about being in a threesome. Our burning question: how does the guy who sleeps in the middle of the bed get up to pee without waking up the others?