But if 2015 proved anything it’s that those straights are society’s true sexual reprobates. Here are 7 heterosexuals who won’t be pointing fingers at us anytime soon.
1. Jared Fogle
Perversion: Child Porn
The Story: In November 2015 “Subway Guy” Fogle was imprisoned for 15 years and 8 months for possession of child porn. His collection contained more than 600 indecent images, including some of minors as young as 6. But Fogle didn’t just like to watch, he spent at least $12,000 a year on prostitutes and regularly hunted for underage partners to hook up with. “Did you find some young girls or boys?” he once texted to a 18 year old sex worker acting as his pimp. His fall from grace not only saw him scrubbed from Subway advertising but also inspired an inevitable slew of “hope he gets a foot-long in prison” jokes.
Most Perverted Part of the Story: There was an interactive game on the Subway Kids website and app called “Fill Jared’s Pants” in which kids tried to fill a animated pair of Fogle’s famous fat-pants with healthy food items that fall from the sky.
2. Bill Cosby
The Story: Claims point to Cosby’s crimes beginning back in the 1960s and they came to public attention in 2014. However, the bulk of his accusers have come forward during 2015 (Update: and in December 2015 he was charged with aggravated indecent assault). Cosby is typical of the “do as I say, not as I do” crowd, especially lecturing the African American community on poor behaviour while he himself was reportedly drugging and raping women. Cosby is said to have paid women to keep them quiet and had silenced previous media interest in his behaviour by using his influence to kill stories. Despite the huge number of accusers – and the fact that their stories are all remarkably similar – Cosby has admitted to casual sex and illegal dispensing of Quaaludes, but not rape.
Most Perverted Part of the Story: Whenever he would appear on The Late Show With David Letterman Cosby would make the young ladies and interns from the studio watch him eat curry.