ABC Is Right to Prevent Two Men Dancing Together on DWTS

There is literally nothing gay about this.

TMZ reports that producers at ABC’s Dancing with the Stars wouldn’t allow two men to dance together during a performance by guest singers Ariana Grande, Meghan Trainor and Who Is Fancy on an upcoming episode, even though two male contestants performed something called “near dancing” on a previous show.  I completely concur with ABC’s stance and here are the reasons why.

1. “Near Dancing” Is Nothing Like “Actual Dancing”

Contestants Carlos Pena-Vega and Alek Skarlatos performed “near dancing” during a team dance.  Some have said this makes ABC’s decision look nonsensical but it’s fine for two men to do “near dancing” because in “near dancing” you don’t do any gay stuff.  In their “near dance” Alex and Carlos twirled right beside each other, mimed a homoerotic mating ritual then did that kind of dancing which is like pretend homoerotic fighting, throwing each other’s sweaty bodies around the floor, all while wearing jackets with no shirts. Totally masculine.  Seeing them do “actual dancing” together, however, would be totally gay.

There is literally nothing gay about this.

There is literally nothing gay about this.

2. People Don’t Want To See That

As someone called “teri mah” commented on the TMZ site “Good on them not every show on TV needs to have gays especially dancing all sexually on each other. Why don’t they just live in secret and in shame”.  Exactly, “teri”!  Someone called “The Flying None” said “I’m not baking a wedding cake for them and I’m sure as F not watching them dance on TV!”  People don’t want to see two men “actual dancing”.  They’d rather watch wholesome stuff, like shows where people murder each other and have steamy heterosexual sex.

3. It Wouldn’t Be In Keeping With the DWTS Brand

It’s well known that Dancing With the Stars is one of the last truly heterosexual shows left on television.  In dancing men lead while women have to do what they say, backwards and in heels, just like God intended.  The DWTS trophy features that icon of butchness – a mirrorball.  And the costumes they make the guys wear scream “straightness”.

Straightness!!!

Straightness!!!

4. It Would Be a Victory for the Gay Agenda

Another argument torn from the comments section on the TMZ site – this time by a luminary called “Rebecca”. “Good for DWTS!!! They’ll be forced soon enough [to show men dancing together] in upcoming seasons, that’s how the gay agenda is working. If you don’t do it, we’ll force you.”  “Rebecca” totally nails it.  The items on the gay agenda are well known – first gay marriage, then men waltzing together on DWTS, then mandatory gay butt sex.

5. It Would Force a Change on Other ABC Shows

If ABC lets men dance together on DWTS it would set a precedent.  Soon the homosexual mafia will demand gay characters appear on other ABC series like Modern Family, Quantico, How To Get Away With Murder, Scandal, Nashville, Once Upon a Time and Grey’s Anatomy.  Putting gays on these shows would completely ruin them.

Don’t cave into the pressure, ABC.  Keep Dancing With the Stars straight!  Otherwise you’ll become known as the American Buttsex Channel. Or the Anal-sex Boosting Corporation.  Probably both.

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