We gays would like to report an alarming, and reprehensible, practice currently being perpetrated by perverts – pervertpetrated if you like.
These sickos are hellbent, nay just plain bent on grooming baby boys for induction into their sick lifestyle. They will not stop until they have converted every single male child in this world to…heterosexuality.
Clothes are one way that they impose their sexual proclivities upon those infants. They insist on dressing their young in outfits that make a sexual reference. Most often this message is about women’s genitalia.
Wait, breasts aren’t classified as ‘genitalia’? We’re into men – the female body isn’t exactly our expert subject. Point is, they’re determined to shove breasts into the faces of innocent baby boys.
“But that’s natural!” they’ll say. “There’s nothing sexual about it.”
“The bigness is referring to the amount of milk in them!” they’ll cry. “It’s not something crude like ‘Who’s boob do I have to suck to get a drink around here?”
Imagine if we gay men dressed a baby boy in a onesie that read “Dude, your husband keeps checking me out”.
Social services would be at our homes in 10 minutes, tearing that child from our gay hands. Then giving said child to a man-woman couple who would immediately dress them in something appropriate.
Or something slightly less creepy, but still all kinds of bizarre.
You straights think us joking about the size of an infant’s penis is disgusting? Tell that to your comrades who think dressing a baby in this is acceptable.
And then a couple of years later they’ll be putting the two-year old in this.
Clearly you’re the experts in the sexualisation of children so if someone could explain this onesie to us, we’d appreciate it.
Given that gay men are often deemed to be “kiddy-fiddlers”, this sexualisation of baby clothing is ironic.
Of course, to attribute irony to something, first you have to understand it.
Conversely, we understand the meaning of this nightmare – but we wish we didn’t!
Yes, this really exists.
And it’s possibly the most disturbing of the bunch. Or the second most disturbing…
We’ll end it here before this post gets flagged on all kinds of the wrong watch-lists. Which it will, of course. Because homosexuals. Meanwhile, you pervertpetrators (Editor’s note: Please stop trying to make that word happen) will merrily go about your lives, sexualising your children, all the while telling us that we’re the ones obsessed with converting the young.
Our only consolation is that a whole lot of those boys you’re desperate to make straight will end up playing for our team. We love irony – especially when it’s not creepy irony.
In ONE MILLION DOMS Dominic Sheehan comments about political stuff. Yes, the title is a parody of One Million Moms. Yes, this may be the only ONE MILLION DOMS where he and One Million Moms are aligned. No, they wouldn’t have made nearly as many dirty jokes.