Eurovision 2017: The Reviews – BULGARIA

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Beautiful Mess (Kristian Kostov)

Yet another 17 year old (these countries know this isn’t Junior Eurovision, right?) singing about how depressed they are. Kristian will have to battle Australia’s Isiah to win the “Sexless Guy Who Is Designed To Be Unthreatening For Tween Girls To Go Squishy Over”. Kristian has the edge, or lack thereof.

The song was written by a committee (five composers) and this video looks similarly designed. Everyone in black. Random shots of horses and crows. A fallen tree. People straining to drag a boat while Kristian lights their way. Kristian releasing a dove. The whole thing is as artificial as whatever is holding Kristian’s hair in place. Krisitan was born in Russia and it’s a good job he doesn’t live there now. His hair alone breaks the Russian law against promoting homosexuality.


Water so deep, how do we breathe
How do we climb?

First answer: With your lungs.
Second answer: With your arms and legs.

One of the most overrated songs this year – this is just dross masquerating as art. I love dross, by the way. Dross is wonderful.But not when it pretends to be a masterpiece. The song, the production, and Kristian all take themselves so seriously that it’s laughable. But don’t expect the laughing to be done by the teenagers at the 2017 Eurovision. They’re all suicidal.


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