Eurovision 2018: The Reviews – NETHERLANDS

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Outlaw In ‘Em (Waylon)

BACKGROUND
As half of The Common Linnets, Waylon almost won Eurovision in 2014. This time he’s back. But on his own. That’s pretty much everything you need to know. Except that the title is both unintentionally homoerotic and unintentionally hilarious.

Pictured: Unintentional homo-eroticism. Also unintentional hilarity.

OFFICIAL VIDEO
I presume Waylon is attempting to appear all outlaw-ish here, but he looks like a lawyer wearing an old blanket who only gets to ride his motorcycle on weekends.

EUROTRASHTIC LYRICS

Everybody’s got a little outlaw in ’em
Chrome piece hidin’ in their blacked out denim
Heartbeat beatin’ to a rock ‘n’ roll rhythm, yeah
Everybody’s got a couple scarred up knuckles
Blood on their boots and their back-off buckle
Diamondback rattle with the quick strike venom
Everybody’s got a little outlaw in ’em

I do not own any blacked out denim (or maybe I do, I have no idea what blacked out denim is), nor does my heart beat to a rock and roll rhythm (if it did, I think I would be dead). I do not have any scarred up knuckles, I have no blood on my boots – mainly because I don’t own any boots – or on a back-off buckle (none of my belt buckles are in any way intimidating), nor do I own a snake. I once saw a venomous snake slithering along a beach in Australia. but that place is like 45% poisonous snakes so that’s to be expected. I suspect I have had more than one outlaw in me. However, I do not have an outlaw inside me at this current moment. Ergo, not everybody has a little outlaw in ’em.

REVIEW
Country music has been stuck in a rut for twenty years and this is traveling that same, worn path. Everything here feels generic except for Waylon’s accent, which sounds affected. It’ll stand out at Eurovision this year given the lack of other country-flavoured entries. For me it’s a stand out. But only because that title reminds me it’s been too long since I had an outlaw in me.

What is it with the Hardy Boys and bondage?

RATING
B

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