There’s a major thing missing from most fairy tales and that’s fairies of the homosexual kind. It’s time to put some “fab” into fables.
Beauty and The Beast
Heterosexual Beauty found the Beast repulsive but her gay replacement is into rough trade so his monstrous captor is a perfect fit. This has always been a romance built on Stockholm Syndrome but with a gay twist it becomes a BDSM master-slave scenario. There’s no need to rescue gay Beauty – like many slaves he gets off being subservient and like many masters the Beast actually treats him very kindly – except in bed of course…
The Boy Who Cried Wolf
It turns out the boy wasn’t crying “wolf” but “woof” – as in “woof, look at that hot guy!”.
Gay Cinders will still get to go to the ball and captivate the prince but don’t expect him to run back to his abusive family when the clock strikes midnight. Like any gay man who escapes an oppressive home he’ll run to the nearest city, find a job, a fab flat and a circle of accepting gay friends. You go, girl! You’re gonna make it after all!
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Gay Goldilocks knew exactly what he was doing when he “accidentally wandered” into a house shared by three bears. In the original Gold ate, sat and lay down – the gay version will do the same but with penises.
Hansel and Gretel
Abandoned by their homophobic parents when they come out gay Hansel and his sister lesbian Gretel won’t fall prey to the witch’s sugary cottage. Hansel’s a gym bunny who doesn’t eat sugar and Gretel is a vegan who won’t touch any processed food. Instead they find the forest’s gayborhood where Hansel becomes an in-demand spin instructor and Gretel opens up a combination café/women’s bookshop.
Three words: extendable dildo nose. Gay Pinocchio won’t be trying to become a real boy anytime soon.
The Princess and the Pea
To be retitled The Prince and the Pee…
Rather than pining for some generic prince to turn up the gay Snow would happily make a life for himself with those seven bearded, burly dwarves – Mr White is a chaser. He’s also open to polyamory so forget having to choose between Dopey (who’s totally into PNP), Bashful (who isn’t once the lights are off) and Happy (the reason he’s always smiling is in his pants). Hi-ho, its off to one endless orgy we go!
The Three Little Pigs
Three pigs? A wolf offering to blow them? Expect this tale to turn into a gay porno in ten seconds.
The Ugly Duckling
Bullied by the other ducklings as faggy and unattractive the duckling will grow up, transform into an Adonis then go back and parade his muscular body and handsome face in front of all his tormentors who are now unhappily married with whiny, smelly children. He will, of course, deign to sleep with any of the hot ones. Because gay.