We are a group of people who are appalled about the actions of Drop the T.
We are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and other things represented in the LGBTTQQIAAP acronym. Wait, there’s two Ts? What is the second one for? Twinks? Everybody hates them but why do they need their own letter? One of the A’s is for Asexual but what’s the second one? Ally? What is this, the Super Friends?
Anyway, we admit that it’s a large, slightly unwieldy group and that we might actually not appear to have that much in common but we know prejudice when we see it. And we saw it in the Drop the T petition.
We suspect these people are not actually the L, G and B that they claim to be. It’s probably just a bunch of right wing trolls making trouble. Or kids. But we know one thing these Drop the T people definitely are and that’s H, which stands for Horrible.
Like Drop the T we were also going to do some research on Wikipedia to come up with fancy sounding arguments to back up our demands but we were so busy gentrifying neighborhoods, bedazzling outfits for our pets and catching up on what’s in our DVRs that we didn’t have time. Seriously, we are already two weeks behind on How To Get Away With Murder!
In organizing a petition to ask gay organizations to dump “transgendered” from the LGBTQABCDEFG acronym Drop the T made it clear they are so full of prejudice that they no longer belong in our magnificent coalition of the unaccepted. Therefore we request that they officially divorce themselves from the rest of us. Just grab your stuff and go. No, we had that lamp before we met you. The iPad is ours also. Yes, you can have the coffee maker, even though we bought it 50/50. Look, just take the damn lamp if you love it that much!
If Drop the T and the H’s they represent won’t leave willingly then we ask that the LGBTGIF Illuminati – which consists of Ellen DeGeneres, Anderson Cooper, Lavern Cox and 50 Cen-…whoops, we mean Tom Crui-…whoops…the Illuminati revoke membership of every H to the LBGTQI Secret Society. This includes taking from the H’s their decoder rings, access to the mountain fortress and the toaster oven they received when they came out.
If the H types need another acronym we suggest one more suited to people as hateful as them. Like the KKK. Or ISIS. We hope they like wearing white. Or not having their heads.
At the very least they should take their petition off Change.org, which is a platform best used for petitions about important stuff – like bringing Beth back on Walking Dead. We miss you Beth! That whole storyline was so stupid. Why are we still even watching that show? It’s gotten so bad this season.
If Drop the T delete their petition and apologize to all the trans men and women they’ve hurt deeply we will consider allowing them to stay. But they will have to do the dishes for a month. Because dishes.
In ONE MILLION DOMS Dominic Sheehan comments about political stuff. Yes, the title is a parody of One Million Moms. No, he hasn’t really made a petition. Yes, he really thinks The Walking Dead has totally lost it. No, of course he’s not two weeks behind on How To Get Away With Murder – he loves that show too much to let it just sit around unwatched.