Stuff for Gay Men To Do While Stuck At Home During COVID-19

Some gay men are continuing to hook up, despite the various lockdowns that are happening worldwide due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I know this because I still get messages on various apps asking if I want to come over and fuck. Which normally I do but which at the moment I do not. Because death.

Others have been more judgmental about these rule-breakers but I can understand why some men are seeking love in the time of coronavirus. Having ready access to sex is why we all chose to be gay, right? But hooking up at present is the antithesis of social distancing, given that most sex acts can’t happen in person if one is isolating appropriately.

Most sex acts…

That doesn’t mean you have to remain celibate. Nor does it mean you’re lost for activities. Here are some sexual, and non-sexual, things men can get up to while locked down.

Masturbate
This should have been obvious, but if you need me to draw you a picture here it is.

Disclaimer: Not actually drawn by the author.

Masturbate
Seriously, it passes the time and it’s good for you or so these articles say. Not that you needed someone to tell you that it feels good, but if anyone in your bubble asks questions about why you’re flogging the log so much you now have studies to back it up. That said, why are people in your bubble keeping tabs on how often you jerk off? Creepy.

Webcam Fun
There are a host of sites with live video shows if you need a partner outside your bubble. You could even use this time to become a sex star yourself – but do some reading before you dive in because I considered it but then I read about how much work it was and was like “No, I am not spending every Sunday morning washing dildos and cleaning lube off the carpet”.

It’s never been easier to hook up remotely. Skype, Facetime, Zoom, Microsoft Teams… But do it in the expectation that everything you do on camera is being recorded, so make sure you trust the person at the other end. In fact, if you’re going to expose yourself to a partner on live cam then I would assume everything you do could end up elsewhere. XTube. Pornhub. Facebook Messenger… So caveat emptor, but with penises.

Binge TV Shows
There’s never been so much content so start bingeing. I suggest Luke Cage Season One, Luke Cage Season Two, the episodes of Jessica Jones, Defenders, and Iron Fist with Luke Cage in them, anything and everything with Mike Colter, the actor who plays Luke Cage, in it, and any shows with anyone who remotely resembles him. Can you tell that I finally caught up on Luke Cage during our enforced time out?

Here’s a taste of what awaits you.

Exercise
Sure, the gym is shut but you can still stay in shape. Walk. Press ups. Masturbation. 

Rank All Madonna’s Singles From Best to Less Best
Or Cher. Or Mariah. Or whoever the gays are fawning over these days. Lady Gaga? Is she still a thing? Personally, I intend to rank all of Kim Wilde’s singles because she’s the most underappreciated artist of the last 40 years. If you don’t believe me then read my invariable Himsical article titled Ranking All Kim Wilde’s Singles.

Rank All The Characters In The Office (US Version) From Worst To Least Worst
Is Ryan at the top of your list? Well, he should be. Ryan is THE WORST! Yes, worster than even Toby! Is Angela near the top of your list? Well, she shouldn’t be. Sure, she was awful but she loves cats and had beautiful hair. Least Worst should be…um…was there one decent character in this show? Angela’s cats? Do they qualify?

Read Himsical Articles
We’ve resurrected the site for this very reason. Or did you think the year long gap between articles was a result of writer’s block? No, we’ve just been busy with stuff. Sleeping mostly, but also eating. And working jobs that actually pay. You don’t even need to read the articles, you can just masturbate to the dirty pictures scattered randomly around the pages. 

Pictures like this!

Travel
Around your garden. Around the block. Or wherever you are allowed to travel at the moment. If you’re locked in the house because the COVID is really bad where you live then do something else on this list. Masturbate, for example.

Put Countries Onto the Continents They Sound Like They Belong In
I’ve always thought Peru was located on the wrong continent. It sounds like it should be in Asia. Next to Tibet. No idea why, it just feels right. The same for Belize, which sounds like a European principality. I think part of it is all those European counties with Zs in them – Czech Republic, Switzerland, Uzbekistan, Azerbaijan, Kyrgyzstan. Andorra, however, which is already in Europe sounds South American. That’s kind of it though so I guess I’m done. Well, that used up five minutes.

Improve a Skill
You might as well use this time to improve your aptitude in something that will come in handy when life goes back to normal. Cooking. Sewing. A foreign language. Masturbation. 

Practice makes perfect.

Start a Hobby
There are plenty of interests you can develop in the confines of your home. Origami, for example. Napkin folding. Shirt folding. Folding anything else that can be folded. How about art? Are you any good at art? If not then why not give it a go? You may be limited by what you have available but necessity breeds innovation. Ear wax sculpting? Dental floss macrame? Cat hair knitting? Creativity is only limited by your imagination.

Zuckerburg by KATSU, painted in exactly what you think it is. Hint: It comes out of your bum and it rhymes with ‘scoop’.

And if all else fails, make masturbation your hobby. Record when,where, to what, how long, how much, how far or high. Hey, anything to get you through a crisis.

It’s a new personal best!

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